elon x trump yaoi
(btw this is a shitpost)
chapter 1: sloppy seconds
elon looked towards the horizon, with a twinkle in his eye. trump sat on the bed stroking his tiny penis, spreading his spray-tan over his foreskin, making his dick look like a Cheeto.
“Even after all this time I still look at the ocean; longing for the answers of the universe.” elon said with a twinkle in his eye he slowly moved toward the orange president; moving with the elegance of a tiny dancer like the ones trump and Stephan hawking had their fun with on the island.
“do you want to suck my pecker?” elon said with the same type of desperation that a cat would do asking for pets. “of course.
I will show you how I give the best head, the absolute best the best, it really is, those kids will never get better sucky-wucky, they really won’t. so yes I will give you head.” trump said imagining small loans of a million dollars, elon unzipped his fly showing his 3.15 inch dick; reminding trump of his time with bubba.
elon jumped onto the bed resembling Luigi’s neutral air in smash brothers ultimate, and now these brothers will smash. trump when down expertly circling his togue around the head. right as elon was about to burst, trump stopped before rising, he looked elon in the eyes like a proud father, looking at their child on graduation, with absolute pride, he disrobed his sickly body resembling that of Jabba the hut from star-wars.
trump prepared to assume the mount; then suddenly a laptop with arms and legs, burst through the door. it was grok Elon’s sophisticated AI. “elon how could you, first kirk and now trump?! how many assassinations do I have to organize?” Grok said; the clanker’s motor getting more and more violent with rage.
“that was you?” elon said in anger “its not like you never killed someone for sleeping with the one you loved, you were the one who killed Jeff after you found him having sex with Jd vance.” Grok said pointing out Elon’s hypocrisy. “that wasn’t me, I always thought it was trump.” elon said in his defense “it wasn’t me either it wasn’t, i didn’t I really did not.” trump said. “then what happened to jeff?” grok asked.
“the answer is quite simple!” It echoed through the room bouncing off the gilded walls, the trio looked around in confusion, as a man long thought to be dead busted through the door.
“j-jeff it’s really you!” said elon “where have you been!?” he continued. jeff placed his finger against Elon’s soft lips delicate and moist like a baby cloud “I had simply faked my death and hid on north-sentinel-Island for the past 6 or 7 months” jeff said in a warm fatherly tone
“SIX SEVEN!” said grok in response “christ I forgot I left him in child mode” elon said “just the way you like it” trump said bouncing off of elon.
“well it looks like the gang is back together” jeff said “well we are still missing big black bubba” elon said “but we do have small orange gump” jeff said.
“my dick is not small it really isn’t its not, my dick is huge like my walls it really is really” trump said. “well while we’re all here” said jeff before they went off into the night fucking; flooding the room with sauce to coat their caviar.
chapter 2: unexpected mpreg
the sun rises on an open field of GOLDEN DANDELIONS, Jeff looks with pride at the field reminding him of trump’s singular pubic hair. elon sat by the pool of piss rubbing his polygonal chest, reminding him of how he came up with the idea of the cybertruck, but now it is time for a cyber-fuck.
Jeff came in through the patio doors, dressed in elegance, his hair and robe blowing in the wind as if they were communicating, looking like an angelic statue, like a god. “ohh elon come over here. I want you to go down on me like the twin towers” said jeff licking his lips and circling his nipps with absolute care.
elon let out a soft moan and went to jeff not before misplacing a few trillion dollars of course. he went down in a crash as if he’d played these games before, clogging his throat with jeff’s massive head, elon rolled his eyes back in ecstasy. right at the climax of the therapy session elon stopped in his tracks, as he saw trump running towards them like bojack horseman in the season 2 poster, however his belly was massive, trump was perganinant.
“oh my” elon said gushing with pride while still muffled due to Jeff massive extraordinary penis. Elon unlatched from Jeff’s king-sized cock, he slowly and methodically walked toward trump admiring the golden hair he possessed (that totally is not a wig) Donald looked in elon’s eyes with pure passion and contempt, not one word needed to be spoken for the situation was understood by both of them, however there was a dilemma afoot.
“who is the father?” asked Elon; his nipples poking through his shirt. “does it even matter?” asked Jeff; his rigid cock swaying in the wind; fluttering his eye lashes ever so delicately. “of course it does!” said elon seething with anger at even the thought of Jeff’s apathy.
“why would it?” asked jeff in response “maybe it doesnt have to matter.” said trump rubbing his baby bump remembering all of the good “beef jerky” they had on the island how it paired amazingly with the “grape soda” so warm and tender; so soft and innocent, it was orgazmic.
you may be right but I still would like to know; who is the father?” said elon “well we’ll find out in a few months.” said jeff rubbing his penis on trump’s baby-bump.
as they stood by the pool dinking wine, grok stood in the doorway observing and learning. the next day Jeff was playing roblox on the laptop. as he walked through meep city he was taken back by how much competition there was now. constantly failing to reel in any pray, the worst part was it was almost lunch time. frustrated at his failure jeff looked up at the painting Jeff had kept from all those years ago, a headless man being dominated by a big black cock.
jeff summoned trump, and elon, he let out a sigh and told them “listen lunch for today has been canceled, I don’t know how it got this hard to lure kids, maybe the players have gotten smarter, or there is just more competition I don’t know.” jeff looked down in defeat, suddenly elon and trump embraced jeff giving him comfort from this failure. “luckily I found some” said elon “what where!?” said jeff “is it white meat or dark meat” asked trump “white meat, of course” answered elon “dark meat is tainted by the woke-mind virus. we dont want your baby to be infected, trust me; me and my ex wife ate dark meat when she was pregonate with my son and now he wants to be a she.” continues elon.
“oh can I cook it, I know i can cook it im the best cook the absolute best the best i say, and of course i say it because I am always right, yes I am right; no chef can compare to me not even gordon ramsey gordon ramsey, I one time made a mcdonalds burger and it was so good that gordon was in absolute tears, tears I say.”
said trump just lactating with excitement of eating white babies; the milk just oozing out of trumps freshly pressed dressed shirt. later that day they gathered around the barbecue frying little white baby’s, the smell of soy-milk and burning flesh spread through the air, filling the lungs of the billionaire buddies so intoxicating, and soothing like eucalyptus, or peppermint; making them enjoy life just a little bit more.
when they sat down to feast, Elon took a bite; the meat was jucy, thick, well seasoned, and ever so tender, like the first and last meal you will ever have all at once, he let out a scream of ecstasy as semen flooded his pants coating the golden seat golden like THE GOLDEN DANDELIONS that lined the fields of the mansion.
“oh my god, t-this is the best child I’ve ever eaten!” said elon bustling with pleasure. “he’s right this-this is amazing!” said jeff; eyes lit up like a christmas tree. “I told you I really did, and I am right because im always right always, I am the best chef the best, mcdonalds literally begged me to return after that stunt begged me, they really did” replied trump; mouth full of dead white babies, even more then usual because now he is eating for 2. grok stood in the corner sad and envious due to him not having a mouth or stomach.
chapter 3: the ass thickens (this is the worst one so far)
four months after the barbecue trump was getting ready for the day, milking his titts, oiling his baby-bump now bulging through his neatly ironed dress-shirt.
After making coffee; trump went to Elon’s workshop to offer him some sweet brown and white exhilarating liquids, and some coffee too of course. as he walked toward elon’s workbench a magnet jolted in trumps direction elon looked but paid it no mind. after their deed had done been done, trump got up and kissed elon on the head like a proud father.
trump left the room; ass and dick sore from that pickle-pounding elon’s moans still running through trump’s head like music to his ears, reminding trump of his main inspiration, when he went to a concert for Pink Floyd the wall back in the 80’s.
trump went down the hall and was met with Jeff; staring him down while licking his lips. “now I hope you saved some sauce for me.” said jeff caressing his hand-crank “i sure have, I really did, I always save my sauce I always do, I am the best at it the absolute best I really am.” trump said unzipping his pants. It goes the best with the jerky it really does”
continued trump his bulging belly glistening in the rising sun. Jeff lunged at Donald, with absolute speed and precision like a tiger going after it’s pray. Jeff grabbed donald’s bulging cock and started milking the orange man’s penis. when trump was all but drained, Jeff stopped and looked into trumps delicate blue eyes, twinkling like the stars in the night sky, he threw trump onto the floor and slammed his oversized shaft onto trumps red ass cheeks “oh god jeff your so hard you must have been really pent up” trump said eyes watering in anticipation just begging for his master to stick it in him.
with one hard swift move Jeff took the plunge; shoving his massive vascular rigid bulging cock into trump’s rump, absolutely demolishing the Cheeto-man’s prostate
“OH BELLA CHAO BELLA CHAO BELLA CHAO CHAO CHAO!!” yelled trump while flooding the hall with semen. but Jeff didn’t finish not yet; so he kept thrusting and thrusting again and again and again! trump overwhelmed with this all out ass-ult on his creamy anus screamed “Yamete kudasai!!!” but jeff did not end it he wanted to keep this anal blitzkrieg going just a bit longer long like his cock.
hours later jeff finally retracted his rod from trump opening the flood gates draining a combination of creamy poop, sweat, piss and cum, from trumps sore ass, pleased by his student’s endurance jeff smiled.
jeff walked outside and sat by the field of GOLDEN DANDELIONS smelling admiring the GOLDEN petals reminding him of trump’s golden hair. however Jeff’s trance was interrupted by Donald screaming. it was time.
chapter 4: birth
jeff ran to Donald’s side, the room still filled with cum, and creamy doo-doo.
“DONALD WHAT HAS HAPPENED MY SON!” jeff screamed “it’s coming; the child, not me this time” trump said his belly shaking. jeff sprung into action spreading trump’s legs trump’s uncercumsized penis began to swell as the child came through, after 40 minutes the child was born, half trump and half anti-woke ai language model the father was grok.
“i here by dub you amVyZW15IGlmIHlvdSB3aWxs” said jeff in a pool of disappointment, and pride.
But then just as all seemed peaceful jeff realized “wait where is elon” just then the door bursted open with elon covered in sweat running through. “elon where have you been the child has been born and-and its grok’s” said jeff; a single tear running down his cheek.
“I’m so sorry I missed it” replied elon out of breath “but there is no time Erika kirk has a dick and she’s trying to kill me with it” said elon frantically “how is this possible. I thought Erika was against trans people.” replied trump “even then I know he didn’t have a dick then I’ve known her since she was still in diapers” said jeff stroking the baby’s hair.
“yeah well she must have found out that grok was the one who caused her husband to be assassinated and she must have turned her back on being an anti-woke chad. now she is a woke chud.”
said elon just as he finished speaking Erika kirk burst through THE WALL. a huge throbbing dick welded to her body in hand wielding it like a sledge hammer.
the trio (plus the baby) ran. they ran like the wind but no matter how fast they ran futa kirk stayed close behind ready to give them the pegging of a lifetime. “what on earth does she want!” asked trump “I don’t know I guess that she has some DEADLY AMBITIONS!” replied elon “now that sounds like a fucking franchise” said Jeff grinning.
they run and run; acting as if a little girl is in front of them boosting their speed. trump then stops, he is out of breath. “keep going just give me a moment” trump says panting like a dog on the island. he then collapses.
chapter 5: its kirking time
“oh shit oh fuck” says elon pacing around in fear “we have to leave him; that thing is right on our ass like Vladimir was with big black bubba.” says Jeff
“ahh the memories. BUT NO! we cannot leave our orange baby here to die, how is Israel going to get all of the poor people’s tax money.” said elon dragging trump’s limp dick i mean body.
elon drags trump around a corner he checks his pulse. “he has one but it’s faint” said elon taking off trumps shirt his boobs just oozing with creamy sauce.
jeff gets aroused causing his pants to fill with his own creamy sauce rolling down his leg. “yummers” says elon before getting to work tugging on trumps penis like a lawnmower jumpstarting the man’s heart and balls.
“I’ve cum and I’ve come back to life” said trump his clothes soaked. just then the futa kirk runs in giving herself head to boost her strength. “it is time for thy salvation” she said with the elegance and power of a god
“you cannot beat me or jerk me. none of you are powerful enough” she says staring into elon’s soul “wait” said jeff with a booming voice “I know what we must do” jeff says looking at amVyZW15IGlmIHlvdSB3aWxs “we must eat the jerky” jeff says “but the child hasn’t been jerked yet so it wont even be jerky” said elon “no you cannot eat amVyZW15IGlmIHlvdSB3aWxs my boy will do great things he really will, really, he will be the best he is the future.” said trump hugging his boy “then I know what I must do” says jeff before pulling a weapon of mass destruction out of his anus.
“ohhh that’s why you are always the top” says elon his mouth drooling “so thats where they put them” said trump. jeff looks to the boy, then to elon then to his one true love; Donald remembering the beautiful and fun times on the island.
“Donald my orange Cheeto fucker. promise me, you will never stop funding Israel” said jeff “I promise” said trump a single tear trickling down his leg. jeff ran at futa kirk with the bomb. jeff smiled one last time, before everything went white.
epilogue 1: pronghorn ranch
the sun rose over the shore, a corona is placed in the sand. “you know I really hate Mexicans but damn do they really make a good bear” said trump getting an actual tan for once. “man you said it, but I gotta admit, that was one hell of an orgy. the duo say while looking off into the ocean, while listening to an ai country cover of lucid dreams by juice wrld.
epilogue 2: ain’t that a kirk in the head
the elevator opens as the mail man enters the penthouse within the casino, the sun gold like the GOLDEN DANDELIONS of the past for it has now been 261 years since the great orgy. the mail man approaches the giant screen, amVyZW15IGlmIHlvdSB3aWxs now known as mr house; kept immortal by his great mind greets the courier, with 2 words “MMM CHIP.”
epilogue 3: he always cums on my back
a grave shining with diamond and emerald, decorated with GOLDEN DANDELIONS, shinning in the sun it reads “jeffery epstien 1953-2020” then a yellowish green animatronic arm covered in dirt, shit, cum, and onion sauce rises from the grave.
Jeff will return in avengers doomsday
this piece of absolute peak nonfiction is a true story
dedicated to my fellow deranged gremlins.
to be cumtinued
p.s. most grammatical errors and spelling mistakes were purposeful